Unraveling

So, I have been trying to find the words to how I have been feeling, but all that comes is tears. I am dissatisfied with my life and where I am at in it. I feel like my boss hates me and I am the odd one out at work. After two years, I still want to be back in VT cause I miss my friends and life and how active it was. I've tried different churches over the course of 2 years and they all end up being wrong. But most of all, I think I am tired of being single.

When I was little I thought I would be married by the time I was 25 with at least a kid. I am 26, now, soon to be 27. Yes part of my problem is I've been so scared lately to go and try the church up the street where I could meet people. Maybe this is due to rejection maybe even fear, but whatever the case I have not walked the short distance to the church. Or maybe it's my impatience and wanting to control the situation getting in the way.

At work I am the odd one out. My boss could care less if I stay or go. My opinions and feelings don't matter and I seem to always get the short end of the stick. Since there is only 4 of us, I have no one to talk to about my problems and can't go outside my unit to our co-located group cause that would be gossip. So I stuff it all down and hope it will get better, but instead I end up in this revolving pattern.

Tears flow on a continual bases as I wonder how I got to this place.

Then a couple days ago while royally screwing up a recipe that I was making of a bridal shower and crying over it, I noticed this verse on my facebook profile,

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plan to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I hate knowing the path before me. It scares me not knowing when the other shoe will drop cause it always does, but I am holding out hope that something and someone is out there for me and trying to be content.

"I know what it is to be in need, and know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well feed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:12-13.

I will try and be patient in not knowing my path before me. I look to the Lord for guidance and strength. I will try not let the enemy control me fear and insecurities, and when in doubt I will ask the Lord for help and let him hold me and calm my fears. And I will hope and pray that I am not the only one feeling like this, and this post will give someone hope.

I have not idea if I have had made any sense, but I hope I have.